Guide: How to get rid of your fellow modmakers

Guide: How to get rid of your fellow modmakers

Description: by Brother Laz

Categories: Humor

Frustrated by the forum freezes every
twenty minutes? Don't worry! The less members there are on the forum,
the faster it runs! This li'l guide explains how to get rid of your
fellow forum members as easily and quickly as possible.


You too can drive any modmaker to suicide! Just use the following guidelines:

- Handy sentences.

1. My editor doesn't work with your mod, can you fix your mod?

2. My easymap doesn't work with your mod, can you fix your mod?

3. I didn't read the readme about maximum line numbers, put 592349 modifiers on one item and it crashed. Fix please.

4. It's been 6 hours since the last patch, where is the next patch?

5. You didn't reply to my post 3 minutes ago, why not?


7. What is my Diablo 2 directory???

8. Can you give me step-by-step installation instructions, and/or install it for me?

9. I don't want to check the readme but...

10. Everyone knows elemental druids suck, when will you fix it?

11. I'm currently using a runeword quilted armor and I get stunlocked all the time, your monsters are too powerful.

12. Will you add more runewords, everyone knows that rares suck.

13. Fileplanet says file not found, fix plz.

14. Why did you nerf hammers? Do you know how impossible it is to
kill anything with melee skills? Omg did you ever play this game????

15. I made a hacked level 99 and the game is too easy/hard, just FYI.

16. Which item gives conviction aura? Why not?

17. I run headlong into the first boss mob with 14 defense and base vitality and I die, this mod is impossible!

18. Why didn't you enable the world event? All other mods have it.

19. Can you increase the stash size? That one mod has a 20x503 stash.

20. Does this mod work in 1.11? When will you make it work in 1.11?

- How to frustrate the modmaker on the forum.

1. I tried the mod and it doesn't work, now what?

2. This mod has (a feature I don't like), and it doesn't have (a feature I like), why?

3. Perhaps you should take a look at Zy-El, they did something like my suggestion.

4. I don't know if you can do this, but can you increase tornado damage?

5. I don't know if you can do this, but can you convert the mod to 3D and add a flight simulator minigame?

6. I have a great suggestion, how about skeletons with LAZER GUNS!
PEW PEW PEW OMG that would be cool, and change the paladin into a NINJA

7. How do I install this mod?

8. The mod doesn't run, it blew up my computer and caused the space
station to fall on my house, but other than that, keep up the good

9. Why don't you use some item graphics from the first Pokemon vs Predator? They rock!

10. I love poison nova, can you increase its damage to 50K in Hell?

11. I killed Baal 5 times and he didn't drop a super item, why not?

12. I just started playing the mod, my level 3 paladin is underpowered in Tamoe Highlands, what are you going to do about it?

13. What is the max level? Why didn't you change it? Zy-El does.

14. Perhaps you should ask Kato for his files, so you can see how he did it.

15. My character was killed, please remove minotaurs from the game.

16. Amazons are too weak, perhaps you can add a runeword to fix this?

17. Can you give me a list of all items with magic find?

18. Everything is way too dark, I don't want to use light radius items. Plz fix.

19. Where do I go to find Zod runes?

20. Zy-El has 3120495035903 cube recipes, why doesn't your mod?

21. Why don't you use an expanded stash/PlugY?

22. Can I install this mod along with regular CLoD? (my religion forbids me to use the search button)

23. I have a ring with life steal but my sorc isn't stealing any
life with ice blast, what is wrong? Here is a screenshot of the ring.
(bitmap, 8.4 Mb)

24. I'm using patch 0.001 beta, and I found the following issues: 1. 2. 3...

25. Anyone up for a tcp/ip game? My ip is

- But I am allergic to forum posts!

Send the following emails to your chosen guinea pig. Wait for a reply between each email.

1. Your mod crashes, can you fix it? (give no other information)

2. The error? I think it was assertion page stack fault dump c000005.

3. Here is the error log, all 5.3 Mb of it, copy/pasted into the email and reformatted to 40 characters per line.

4. No, I don't use easymap. (I do, but that won't affect anything)

5. Oh well, I guess I'll find another mod that works.

- How to turn the modmaker into a berserking maniac.

1. Your mod crashes, can you fix it? (give no other information)

2. What is an error log?

3. I can't find it. Oh well, I guess I'll find another mod that works.

- Instant suicide in one email (power move, use once per day!).

1. I tried to install your mod but I didn't read the readme and now
it doesn't work. It crashed my computer and said c000005. Why can't you
make your mod work right. I can't believe this I so wanted to play this
mod and it doesn't work. I guess I'll find another mod that works, I
wasted two minutes on this crap. Your mod probably sucks, you can't
even make it work properly. Loser.

- Cool things to post on other forums.

(preferably private forums where the modmaker cannot register or post, of course)

> I played beta 0.001 and it was so unbalanced. Don't download it, it sucks.

> I tried to download it and it said file not found, but I found a mirror of beta 0.001 here, try this one.

> If the link doesn't work, I mirrored beta 0.001 here, have fun!

> This is just another power trip mod. (good thing to post on a 'legit D2' forum, regardless of what the mod actually does)

- No escape!

A. Why is there no -direct -txt version of the mod?

B. Why is there no .mpq version of the mod?

C. Which is better, the -direct -txt or the .mpq version???

- Blaming the modmaker for CLoD features.

Very effective!

> I found a bug, sometimes a maggot lair door won't open. Fix please.

> I charged a monster and got stuck. Fix please.

> I killed the cow king and the portal no longer works. Fix please.

> Omg why did you make defense be zero when running? That's retarded!

For maximum effect, add:

> Why can't you fix your mod?

> Do you even test your mod?

- How to help newbies asking for advice on your target mod.

> Get Zod-Jah-Cham-Zod-Ber-Zod, it'll make you invincible.

> Make a Twinkle runeword, it is bugged and has 101% level 49 frozen orb on striking.

> Druids suck, reroll a sorc.

- General frustro-talk tips.

-> Insert 'you made' in every sentence.

Eg. Korlic exploded and killed me in one hit. -> You made Korlic explode and kill me in one hit.

Eg. The volcano synergy doesn't work. -> You made the volcano synergy not work.

-> Don't give enough information.

Eg. The mod gives a ptSpell crash when I click on the icon list. -> Mod crashes.

Eg. I have 51 life, 8 defense and 6% fire resist, and balrogs kill me in two hits. -> Act 4 is too hard.

-> Add 'when will you fix it?' to every sentence.

Eg. The mod doesn't work in Classic D2. -> The mod doesn't work in Classic D2, when will you fix it?


Go ahead and use this guide on your hapless victims! Soon, you will
be the only one left and the forum will run like a bat out of hell!

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